交大電物61級 Blog

by Leo Tolstoy
1905
Bill Lin 譯

艾爾攸夏是個弟弟。他被暱稱為 “罐子”，因為有一次，當他的母親要他把一罐牛奶送去給執事的老婆時，他跌倒，打破了罐子。他的母親狠狠的鞭打他一頓，村子裡的孩子們開始取笑他，叫他“罐子”。罐子艾爾攸夏：這是他的綽號的由來。

艾爾攸夏是個瘦瘦的小夥子，招風耳—他的耳朵突出像一雙翅膀—還有一個大鼻子。孩子們也總是取笑這個，說：「艾爾攸夏有個鼻子像掛在竿子上的瓠瓜！」

艾爾攸夏住的村子裡有個學校，但是讀書、寫字、和功課對他來講是很不容易，再說，他沒有時間可以學習。他的哥哥跟一個商人住在城裡，所以艾爾攸夏還在小孩時就開始幫他的父親忙。當他6歲時，他已經帶著妹妹們在草原上照顧家裡的牛羊。還很小的時候，他已經開始日夜照料他們的幾匹馬。12歲的時候，他已經耕田拉車了。他沒有力氣去做所有的這些家務，但是他卻有自己的一套—他總是高高興興的。當小孩子們譏笑他的時候，他要不就不做聲，要不就笑笑自己。假如他的父親責罵他，他會靜靜的站著留意聽，當他們罵完不再注意他了，他笑著，回去繼續工作。

艾爾攸夏19歲的時候，他的哥哥被徵去當兵；所以他的父親安排艾爾攸夏去替代他的哥哥的位置，在商人家裡當僕人。他穿著哥哥的舊靴子，父親的舊外套和帽子，被帶到城裡去。艾爾攸夏喜歡他的新衣服，但是這商人對他的外型很不以為然。

「我以為你會帶個年輕人來替代西緬，」這商人說，上下仔細打量艾爾攸夏：「然而你卻帶來這個流鼻涕的。他有什麼長處？」

「呃，他可以做任何事情—套馬具和幫你駕車子到你要的地方。而且他忠於職守。他只是看來瘦小得像一根棍子，實際上很刻苦耐勞。」

「那夠清楚了。這樣，我們等著瞧吧。」

「更好的是他很溫順，喜愛工作。」

「這樣，我能做什麼呢？把他留下來。」

所以這樣，艾爾攸夏開始住在商人那兒了。

這商人的家庭不大。有他的太太，他的老母親，和三個孩子。他的結了婚的老大，只念完初級中學，跟著他的父親做生意。他的另一個兒子，是個讀書人，高中畢業後進了大學一陣子，但是已經被退學，現在住在家裡。還有一個女兒，在讀高中的年輕女孩。

一開始他們不喜歡艾爾攸夏。他太像鄉巴佬，穿得破爛。沒有禮貌，用鄉下的平常說法稱呼每一個人。但是他們很快就習慣他了。他是個比他哥哥還要好的僕人，總是回應得很快。他們給他各樣要做的，他做得又甘心又快，從一件工作到另一件，從不停止。所以在商人這裡，就像在家裡，所有的工作都讓艾爾攸夏一肩挑。他做得越多，每個人就有更多的堆給他做。商人的老婆，她的婆婆，女兒，小兒子，商人的雇員和廚子—所有的人都使喚他，把他叫來叫去的，命令他做每一個他們想到的事。艾爾攸夏唯一聽到的就是：「快來做這個，小夥子，」或是「艾爾攸夏，馬上把這個修好，」或是「你忘了嗎，艾爾攸夏？看這裡，小夥子，你不可以忘了！」所以艾爾攸夏跑來，修理這個，看那個，而且不可以忘記，而且要安排做好每樣事情，同時還保持微笑。

艾爾攸夏很快就穿破了他哥哥的靴子，這商人嚴厲責罵他穿得破爛，把腳趾頭露在外面的到處走動，命令他在市場上買新的靴子。這些是真正的新靴子，艾爾攸夏很喜歡他們；但是他還是有原來的老腳，到了晚上，這樣子跑了一整天以後，這雙腳痛到他都快氣瘋了。艾爾攸夏很怕當他的父親來領他的薪資時，發現主人已經把買新靴子的錢從裡面扣掉了以後，會生氣。

在冬天，艾爾攸夏天亮前就起床，砍柴，掃庭院，拿穀子餵牛餵馬，還要加水。以後，他要點爐子，收拾全家人的靴子，外套，拿出茶具，還要擦亮。然後，或是雇員會要他進去店裡提貨；或者廚子會要他去揉麵包，洗平底鍋。然後他會被派到城裡，傳信息，或把那女兒從學校帶回來，或去買燈油，或幫老祖母帶一些其他的東西。「搞什麼鬼去了這麼久？你這個沒用的東西，」有人會這樣說他，接著另一個。或者在他們之間會這樣子說：「為什麼你自己去？艾爾攸夏可以替你跑腿。艾爾攸夏！艾爾攸夏！」所以艾爾攸夏就得去跑。

艾爾攸夏總是一面跑一面吃早餐，而且很少能夠準時吃中餐。廚子經常責罵他，因為他從未和其他人一起用餐，但為了這一切，她同情他，所以總會留一些熱食給他當中餐和晚餐。

在節日前或是節日當中，艾爾攸夏會比平常有更多的工作，但是艾爾攸夏喜歡過節，因為那時每一個人都會給他小費，不多，通常只有大約60分錢；但它是真正屬於他自己的錢，他可以自己選擇去花用。艾爾攸夏從未見過他的薪資，因為他的父親總是進城來，從商人那裡領走艾爾攸夏的薪資，而且只會責罵艾爾攸夏那麼快就穿壞了他的哥哥的靴子。當他已經存滿了2盧布，他聽了廚子的意見，給自己買了一件紅色針織的毛線衣，當他第一次穿上那件新衣，往下看自己的時候，他是如此的新奇和高興，只是站在廚房裡笑得合不攏嘴。

艾爾攸夏不多嘴，當他一講話，他總是說必要的話，又突然又簡短。當被交代做事情或其他的，或被問到能不能做，他會毫不遲疑的說：「我會!」馬上投入去做那件事。

艾爾攸夏一點也不知道如何禱告。他的母親曾經教他禱告的話語，但是甚至在她說的那時，他就已經忘掉了。不管如何，他也每個早上和晚上都在禱告，但是簡單的，只是用他的雙手，在身上畫十架。

艾爾攸夏像這樣子過活，過一年半以後，在第二年的下半年，他經歷到了生命裡一個最不尋常的經驗。這個經驗是他突然發現的，遠超出了他所有的驚訝；除了人跟人之間因為一個人能給另一個人因為需要而產生的關係以外，還存在另外的，完全不一樣的關係：並不是那種一個人因為那些人需要他去刷靴子，去跑差事，或去裝卸馬車；而是一種一個人並不是有需要他才有的關係，只是單純的因為那個人要服侍他，要愛他。而且他也發現了，他，艾爾攸夏就是這個人。他是透過廚子烏絲丁妮亞，才體認到這一切。烏絲丁妮亞是個孤兒，還是個年輕的姑娘，而且像艾爾攸夏那樣的努力工作。她開始感到憐惜艾爾攸夏，而艾爾攸夏在他的人生第一次感覺到他自己，不是他的服事，是他自己被另一個人所需要。當他的母親曾經疼愛他，或憐惜他的時侯，他沒有去注意到，因為那是如此自然的一回事，正如他憐惜自己一樣。但是突然間，他意識到烏絲丁妮亞，雖然完全是個陌生人，也會憐惜他。她經常會留給他一罐有加牛油的麥片粥，當他吃的時候，她坐在他的旁邊，用她的拳頭支撐她的下巴望著他。當他抬頭看著她的時候，她就笑了，他也跟著回笑。

這是如此新奇的一件事，一開始把艾爾攸夏給嚇到了。他覺得它影響到他的工作，他的服事，但是他還是很高興。有一次他向下看，注意到他的褲子，那是烏絲丁妮亞幫他縫補過的褲子，他會搖著頭笑了。他在工作或出任務時，經常會想到烏絲丁妮亞，而且溫暖的輕呼著：「啊，那個烏絲丁妮亞！」烏絲丁妮亞盡量的幫他忙，他也幫她忙。她告訴他所有她的過往；她怎麼在很小的時候變成了孤兒，一個老姑媽如何的照料她，如何為她在城裡找到一個工作的地方；商人的兒子如何的很愚蠢的試著要調戲她，她如何的把他回絕了。她喜歡說話，而他發現聽她說話很愉快。還有一件事，他在城裡聽過，到住家裡服事的農村的男孩子經常會跟廚子結婚。有一回，她問他，他的父母是否要他快點結婚。他說他不知道，而且在村子裡沒有一個他要的女孩子。

「什麼，以後，你有其他的對象嗎？」她問。

「是的。我要妳。妳願意嗎？」

「哦罐子，我的罐子；你這樣狡猾的對待我！」她說，用她的杓子開玩笑的把他的手拷在背後。

在懺悔節期的前一天，艾爾攸夏的老爸又進城來領他的兒子的薪資。商人的老婆已經發現艾爾攸夏打算要娶烏絲丁妮亞的消息，她很不高興。「她就只會懷孕，還能有什麼用呢？」她去跟她的丈夫抱怨。

商人把艾爾攸夏的薪資算給了他的父親。「你看我的小孩做得如何？」他問。「我告訴過你他是個溫順的人，會做你交代的每一件事。」

「溫順有什麼用，他做了某些愚蠢的事。他想要娶我的廚子。我不會留住通婚的僕人的。這種事對我們不適合。」

「呀，這個小傻瓜！真傻！他怎麼會想到做這種傻事！只是別煩惱。我會要他忘掉那整個無聊的事。」

這老人直直的走進廚房，在桌前坐下來，等著他的兒子。艾爾攸夏像往常一樣，跑差事，最後，上氣不接下氣的回來了。

「是這樣，我以為你是個有常識的人，但是這回你在想什麼無聊事？」艾爾攸夏的父親劈頭就說。

「我沒做什麼！」

「什麼叫沒什麼！你已經決定要結婚。當時間到了，我會安排你結婚。我會給你找一個我要的人，不是某些城裡的蕩婦。」

這老人說了一大堆類似的話，艾爾攸夏在一旁靜靜的站著嘆氣。

當他的父親說完了，艾爾攸夏微笑了。

「好，我會忘了這件事。」他說。

「看你現在就做對了，」這老人在離開的時候，簡略的說了一下。

當他的父親走遠了，艾爾攸夏和烏絲丁妮亞(她已經在廚房門後聽到了他的父親所說的)單獨在一起的時候，他告訴她：「我們的計畫行不通。妳聽到沒有？他很生氣，不會讓我們結婚的。」

烏絲丁妮亞蒙開始默默的蒙在她的圍裙裡哭。艾爾攸夏攪了一下他的舌頭，說：「我怎能不服從他呢？妳看，我們必須忘記所有有關結婚這件事。」

在夜晚，當商人的老婆叫他去關上窗板的時候，她對他說：「你將要聽從你的父親，忘記所有這個有關結婚的無聊的事情？」

「是的。當然。我已經忘記它了，」艾爾攸夏說得很快，然後微笑著，卻馬上開始哭泣。

從那天起，艾爾攸夏不再和烏絲丁妮亞談他們的婚事，過著像以前一樣的日子。

在懺悔節期間的某一天，雇員要艾爾攸夏去清掉屋頂的積雪。他爬上屋頂，掃完了雪，當他開始打掉排水管附近的一些凍結的冰塊時，他的腳從站的地方滑出去，他跟著他的鏟子頭下腳上的掉了下來。正如所有的不幸所該有的，他沒有掉在積雪上，卻掉在門前的鐵軌上。烏絲丁妮亞跑上來看他，跟著是商人的女兒。

「你受傷了嗎？艾爾攸夏。」

「是的。但是沒什麼。沒事。」

他要站起來，卻是沒辦法，只是微笑著。其他的人來了，把他抬到下人的住處。一個醫院的衛生員來了，檢視他，問他哪裡疼。「到處都疼，」他回答：「但是沒什麼。沒事。只是主人會不高興。也要告訴老爸一聲。」

艾爾攸夏在床上整整躺了兩天，然後在第三天，他們去請了一個教士。

「你不會是要死了吧？」烏絲丁妮亞問。

「是這樣，我們不可能永遠活著。只是時間不同而已，」他像以往一樣，很快回答。「謝謝你，親愛的烏絲丁妮亞，謝謝你憐惜我。你看，還好他們不讓我們結婚，因為這是不會有什麼結果的。現在什麼都過去了。」

他和教士一起禱告，但是只用他的雙手和他的心。在他的心裡，他覺得假如他在這兒是好的，只要他順服，不冒犯人，到哪裡都是好的。

他不說話，只要求喝些東西還有莫名的微笑。然後他好像對什麼東西感到驚奇，兩腳一蹬就死了。

*********************************

Alyosha was a younger brother. He was nicknamed “the Pot,” because once, when his mother sent him with a pot of milk for the deacon’s wife, he stumbled and broke it. His mother thrashed him soundly, and the children in the village began to tease him, calling him “the Pot.” Alyosha the Pot: and this is how he got his nickname.

Alyosha was a skinny little fellow, lop-eared—his ears stuck out like wings—and with a large nose. The children always teased him about this, too, saying “Alyosha has a nose like a gourd on a pole!”

There was a school in the village where Alyosha lived, but reading and writing and such did not come easy for him, and besides there was no time to learn. His older brother lived with a merchant in town, and Alyosha had begun helping his father when still a child. When he was only six years old, he was already watching over his family’s cow and sheep with his younger sister in the common pasture. And long before he was grown, he had started taking care of their horses day and night. From his twelfth year he plowed and carted. He hardly had the strength for all these chores, but he did have a certain manner—he was always cheerful. When the children laughed at him, he fell silent or laughed himself. If his father cursed him, he stood quietly and listened. And when they finished and ignored him again, he smiled and went back to whatever task was before him.

When Alyosha was nineteen years old, his brother was taken into the army; and his father arranged for Alyosha to take his brother’s place as a servant in the merchant’s household. He was given his brother’s old boots and his father’s cap and coat and was taken into town. Alyosha was very pleased with his new clothes, but the merchant was quite dissatisfied with his appearance.

“I thought you would bring me a young man just like Semyon,” said the merchant, looking Alyosha over carefully. “But you’ve brought me such a sniveler. What’s he good for?”

“Ah, he can do anything—harness and drive anywhere you like. And he’s a glutton for work. Only looks like a stick. He’s really very wiry.”

“That much is plain. Well, we shall see.”

“And above all he’s a meek one. Loves to work.”

“Well, what can I do? Leave him.”

And so Alyosha began to live with the merchant.

The merchant’s family was not large. There were his wife, his old mother, and three children. His older married son, who had only completed grammar school, was in business with his father. His other son, a studious sort, had been graduated from the high school and was for a time at the university, though he had been expelled and now lived at home. And there was a daughter, too, a young girl in the high school.

At first they did not like Alyosha. He was too much the peasant and was poorly dressed. He had no manners and addressed everyone familiarly as in the country. But soon they grew used to him. He was a better servant than his brother and was always very responsive. Whatever they set him to do he did willingly and quickly, moving from one task to another without stopping. And at the merchant’s, just as at home, all the work was given to Alyosha. The more he did, the more everyone heaped upon him. The mistress of the household and her old mother-in-law, and the daughter, and the younger son, even the merchant’s clerk and the cook—all sent him here and sent him there and ordered him to do everything that they could think of. The only thing that Alyosha ever heard was “Run do this, fellow,” or “Alyosha, fix this up now,” or “Did you forget, Alyosha? Look here, fellow, don’t you forget!” And Alyosha ran, and fixed, and looked, and did not forget, and managed to do everything and smiled all the while.

Alyosha soon wore out his brother’s boots, and the merchant scolded him sharply for walking about in tatters with his bare feet sticking out and ordered him to buy new boots in the market. These boots were truly new, and Alyosha was very happy with them; but his feet remained old all the same, and by evening they ached so from running that he got mad at them. Alyosha was afraid that when his father came to collect his wages, he would be very annoyed that the master had deducted the cost of the new boots from his pay.

In winter Alyosha got up before dawn, chopped firewood, swept out the courtyard, fed grain to the cow and the horses and watered them. Afterward, he lit the stoves, cleaned the boots and coats of all the household, got out the samovars and polished them. Then, either the clerk called him into the shop to take out the wares or the cook ordered him to knead the dough and to wash the pans. And later he would be sent into town with a message, or to the school for the daughter, or to fetch lamp oil or something else for the master’s old mother. “Where have you been loafing, you worthless thing?” one would say to him, and then another. Or among themselves they would say “Why go yourself? Alyosha will run for you. Alyosha, Alyosha!” And Alyosha would run.

Alyosha always ate breakfast on the run and was seldom in time for dinner. The cook was always chiding him, because he never took meals with the others, but for all that she did feel sorry for him and always left him something hot for dinner and for supper.

Before and during holidays there was a lot more work for Alyosha, though he was happier during holidays, because then everyone gave him tips, not much, only about sixty kopeks usually; but it was his own money, which he could spend as he chose. He never laid eyes on his wages, for his father always came into town and took from the merchant Alyosha’s pay, giving him only the rough edge of his tongue for wearing out his brother’s boots too quickly. When he had saved two rubles altogether from tips, Alyosha bought on the cook’s advice a red knitted sweater. When he put it on for the first time and looked down at himself, he was so surprised and delighted that he just stood in the kitchen gaping and gulping.

Alyosha said very little, and when he did speak, it was always to say something necessary abruptly and briefly. And when he was told to do something or other or was asked if he could do it, he always answered, without the slightest hesitation, “I can do it.” And he would immediately throw himself into the job and do it.

Alyosha did not know how to pray at all. His mother had once taught him the words, but he had forgotten even as she spoke. Nonetheless, he did pray, morning and evening, but simply, just with his hands, crossing himself.

Thus Alyosha lived for a year and a half, and then, during the second half of the second year, the most unusual experience of his life occurred. This experience was his sudden discovery, to his complete amazement, that besides those relationships between people that arise from the need that one may have for another, there also exist other relationships that are completely different: not a relationship that a person has with another because that other is needed to clean boots, to run errands or to harness horses; but a relationship that a person has with another who is in no way necessary to him, simply because that other one wants to serve him and to be loving to him. And he discovered, too, that he, Alyosha, was just such a person. He realized all this through the cook Ustinja. Ustinja was an orphan, a young girl yet, and as hard a worker as Alyosha. She began to feel sorry for Alyosha, and Alyosha for the first time in his life felt that he himself, not his services, but he himself was needed by another person. When his mother had been kind to him or had felt sorry for him, he took no notice of it, because it seemed to him so natural a thing, just the same as if he felt sorry for himself. But suddenly he realized that Ustinja, though completely a stranger, felt sorry for him, too. She always left him a pot of kasha with butter, and when he ate, she sat with him, watching him with her chin propped upon her fist. And when he looked up at her and she smiled, he, too, smiled.

It was all so new and so strange that at first Alyosha was frightened. He felt that it disturbed his work, his serving, but he was nonetheless very happy. And when he happened to look down and notice his trousers, which Ustinja had mended for him, he would shake his head and smile. Often while he was working or running an errand, he would think of Ustinja and mutter warmly “Ah, that Ustinja!” Ustinja helped him as best she could, and he helped her. She told him all about her life, how she had been orphaned when very young, how an old aunt had taken her in, how this aunt later sent her into town to work, how the merchant’s son had tried stupidly to seduce her, and how she put him in his place. She loved to talk, and he found listening to her very pleasant. Among other things he heard that in town it often happened that peasant boys who came to serve in households would marry the cooks. And once she asked him if his parents would marry him off soon. He replied that he didn’t know and that there was no one in his village whom he wanted.

“What, then, have you picked out someone else?” she asked.

“Yes. I’d take you. Will you?”

“O Pot, my Pot, how cunningly you put it to me!” she said, cuffing him playfully on the back with her ladle.

At Shrovetide Alyosha’s old father came into town again to collect his son’s wages. The merchant’s wife had found out that Alyosha planned to marry Ustinja, and she was not at all pleased. “She will just get pregnant, and then what good will she be!” she complained to her husband.

The merchant counted out Alyosha’s money to his father. “Well, is my boy doing all right by you?” asked the old man. “I told you he was a meek one, would do anything you say.”

“Meek or no, he’s done something stupid. He has got it into his head to marry the cook. And I will not keep married servants. It doesn’t suit us.”

“Eh, that little fool! What a fool! How can he think to do such a stupid thing! But don’t worry over it. I’ll make him forget all that nonsense.”

The old man walked straight into the kitchen and sat down at the table to wait for his son. Alyosha was, as always, running an errand, but he soon came in all out of breath.

“Well, I thought you were a sensible fellow, but what nonsense you’ve thought up!” Aloysha’s father greeted him.

“I’ve done nothing.”

“What d’you mean nothing! You’ve decided to marry. I’ll marry you when the time comes, and I’ll marry you to whoever I want, not to some town.”

The old man said a great deal more of the same sort. Alyosha stood quietly and sighed.

When his father finished, he smiled.

“So I’ll forget about it,” he said.

“See that you do right now,” the old man said curtly as he left.

When his father had gone and Alyosha remained alone with Ustinja, who had been standing behind the kitchen door listening while his father was talking, he said to her: “Our plan won’t work out. Did you hear? He was furious, won’t let us.”

Ustinja began to cry quietly into her apron. Alyosha clucked his tongue and said, “How could I not obey him? Look, we must forget all about it.”

In the evening, when the merchant’s wife called him to close the shutters, she said to him, “Are you going to obey your father and forget all this nonsense about marrying?”

“Yes. Of course. I’ve forgot it,” Alyosha said quickly, then smiled and immediately began weeping.

From that time Alyosha did not speak again to Ustinja about marriage and lived as he had before.

One morning during Lent the clerk sent Alyosha to clear the snow off the roof. He crawled up onto the roof, shoveled it clean, and began to break up the frozen snow near the gutters when his feet slipped out from under him and he fell headlong with his shovel. As ill luck would have it, he fell not into the snow, but onto an entryway with an iron railing. Ustinja ran up to him, followed by the merchant’s daughter.

“Are you hurt, Alyosha?”

“Yes. But it’s nothing. Nothing.”

He wanted to get up, but he could not and just smiled. Others came and carried him down into the yard-keeper’s lodge. An orderly from the hospital arrived, examined him, and asked where he hurt. “It hurts all over,” he replied. “But it’s nothing. Nothing. Only the master will be annoyed. Must send word to Papa.”

Alyosha lay abed for two full days, and then, on the third day, they sent for a priest.

“You’re not going to die, are you?” asked Ustinja.

“Well, we don’t all live forever. It must be some time,” he answered quickly, as always. “Thank you, dear Ustinja, for feeling sorry for me. See, it’s better they didn’t let us marry, for nothing would have come of it. And now all is fine.”

He prayed with the priest, but only with his hands and with his heart. And in his heart he felt that if he was good here, if he obeyed and did not offend, then there all would be well.

He said little. He only asked for something to drink and smiled wonderingly. Then he seemed surprised at something, and stretched out and died.